Jacob Sokol was climbing the corporate ladder at his job as a computer technician when he realized there was a deep void in his life. His life was filled with the highest of highs, but also the lowest of lows. He didn’t trust his own happiness. He knew something had to change. So he took a 5 week trip to Europe. That is when he decided to embark on a quest to create his ideal life. In this episode, find out about Jacob’s beginnings, his quest to help people create their ideal lives through his website Sensophy, and also see what makes him tick.

Here are three things you can learn from Jacob:

You are not your thoughts

We like to listen to the thoughts in our head. After all, they are all we know. The problem is, these thoughts often lead us astray. We let them control what we do, and how we think.

One of the biggest lessons Jacob learned on his trip to Europe was, he was not his thoughts. Although we all inherently know this, there’s a difference between hearing it and experiencing it. Jacob’s trip showed him the difference between the two.

What he discovered was, we are creatures of pattern, habit, and ritual. Since our thoughts are just patterns. if we can change our patterns, we can change ourselves.

“Suddenly I realized my thoughts are just patterns. If I can change my thoughts, that means I can change my life. And if I can change my life then I can create a life that is amazing.”

By changing his thought patterns, Jacob was able to build the life he wanted to live. He no longer had to live the role society told him to live. He was no longer trapped in the consumer cycle. He realized there was a life he could create for himself.

Confidence comes from action

Too many of us believe we must be confident in order to take action. Jacob believes the opposite is true. He believes clarity comes from confidence. “It’s when we take action, then we become clear and confident. So clarity and confidence are not prerequisites, they’re actually results of action.”

The problem most of us have is, we wait for that moment when we are confident enough to take action, so we never take it. We wait and wait, and that confidence never comes.

Jacob believes confidence only comes as a result of taking action. “Confidence comes as a result of knowing you can handle something. You gotta try something a couple of times until you get better at it and competence leads to confidence… You don’t get competent unless you actually go do something and try it.”

Instead of waiting for confidence to come to us, we must be proactive and seize it for ourselves. We must be willing to fail and suck. We must do things for ourselves, and gain confidence by doing them.

If you want something enough, you’ll figure out how to do it

One of the more interesting responses from Jacob came when I asked him how people can change the environment and people in their lives. His response surprised me with its beauty and simplicity.

“Any time someone asks how to, it’s because they don’t really understand the principle. So the principle here is… if you want it enough, you’ll figure out how to do it.”

I think he’s right. Although how-to’s can be helpful. They are just one person’s take on solving a problem. If you really want to solve a problem, you have to do it for yourself.

Jacob believes this comes from a place of instant gratification. “That’s kind of what people often times want. It’s the instant gratification of them wanting to be told what to do, instead of owning within themselves that they are a creator of life and can go out there and do and create based on what’s within them versus looking for the external to tell them.”

We need to stop looking for someone else to give us all the answers. We need to understand the principle first, and so we can figure it out for ourselves.

“If you understand the principle of something, then there’s a thousand ways you can go out there and do it.”

Shownotes

• about Jacob
  • avid hip hop fanatic growing up in NYC
  • quote Notorious BIG – “I grew up a screw up.”
  • felt there was something wrong with the way he was told life should be lived
    • didn’t have the ability to articulate it, but it led him to being rebellious
    • did graffiti and drugs
  • realized he didn’t want to end up in permanently damaging situation
  • mom gave him the option to go to college or get out of the house
    • went to college
    • had no idea what he wanted to do
    • put together passion for graffiti and computers (graphic design)
  • got two year degree, realized he didn’t want to continue college
  • became waiter – first job where he needed to learn to be social
    • is an introvert
    • never felt comfortable talking to adults
    • you get paid for service and being charismatic
  • became computer technician
  • ended up working for great boss in corporate culture for 3.5 years
  • as he climbed corporate ladder he realized there was a deep void
  • your mind controlling you
  • high highs and low lows
  • didn’t trust happiness
  • knew something had to change
  • went to Europe for 5 weeks which changed his quest to create the ideal life

9:45 There was a deep deep void within me. A void of there’s got to be something more. More of what I’m doing now isn’t going to make me any more happier, any more fulfilled. And although on the outside you could call it success, on the inside there was starting to becoming a mess. And the mess was a lot of shame about not feeling like I was enough… and my mind was out of control.”

11:39 “I knew I had it better than 99% of the world… Why couldn’t I just be happy? Why couldn’t I just be okay? and so I started to feel bad about feeling bad and that just led into this vicious cycle of the worst I felt, then I felt that there was something wrong with me for feeling bad and that just got deeper and deeper and deeper.”

• what he discovered during trip to Europe
  • realized he is not his roles (tech guy)
    • realized he was free to do whatever he wanted without being trapped by the roles society puts on you
  • became aware there was another way to live life
    • working to buy things, so you can work more in consumer cycle
    • there were people who realized there was a lifestyle you could create for yourself
  • “I am not my thoughts.”
    • there’s a difference between hearing it and experiencing it
    • being creatures of pattern, habit, and ritual
    • thoughts as patterns
      • What can I do to change patterns?
    • heavy experiences that make you believe you can’t continue on the same path
    • liberating experience
  • How do you do the same thing?
    • meditates every day for 5-6 years
    • mind works the same way as going to the gym
    • meditation should be considered as important as brushing your teeth

14:05 “It felt like there was a part of myself that wasn’t allowed to be expressed because the world was constantly affirming to me who I was based on their perception, and their perception of me, because I didn’t know who I was at that point in my life, was still very much in this identity quest of ‘Who am I?’ and  ‘What am I here to do with my life?’ Because of that, I let the world define that for me.”

18:58 “Suddenly I realized my thoughts are just patterns. If I can change my thoughts, that means I can change my life. And if I can change my life then I can create a life that is amazing.”

• experience meditating
  • does it first thing after he wakes up
  • when people think about meditation they imagination levitating in the mountains
  • but meditation is attention training
  • choose an anchor – something to return to (breath, mantra, intention, etc.)
  • breath in, count to 5, exhale for 5 seconds
  • uses Blissitations
  • 15 minutes of meditation/day

24:28 “The  reality is, the more your mind drifts, the more your mind needed meditation that day. So never judge it as this is a good or bad thing. If you’re sitting down to meditate, it’s a good thing.”

• making the leap even though he didn’t know what he was going to do
  • made harder by the fact that we are defined by what we do
  • people will be scared for you and themselves
  • did things he only had a small curiosity in
  • becoming a slave to our unconscious limitations
  • wanted it badly enough and had a strong enough desire to do it
  • made the commitment to leave job in 6 months
    • sold his car, motorcycle, packed lunches, canceled phone/tv, stopped buying clothing… etc
    • put the money into savings
    • developed savings and reduced amount of money it cost each month
    • asked old roommate if he could stay with her in Hawaii
      • stayed there six weeks and rented apartment
      • cheaper to be in Hawaii then to pay rent
    • did nontraditional thinking to create a better living
  • intentionality in what you are doing

26:39 “So often leaving a career is an identity quest and it’s about figuring out ‘Who am I?’ and ‘What’s my purpose?’ and ‘What are my greatest gifts?’… and then, once we look at some of those, then we can flip the questions and say, ‘Okay, here are the things I love so much that I would pay to do them. How can I get paid to do some of these things that I love so much?’… it’s a lot of self inquiry that happens through a process of journaling, but also experiential living.”

28:05 “It’s rarely about how to do something and it’s more likely about wanting to do it… The reality is, if you really wanted to do it, you would do it and often times, the thing that gets in the way of wanting to do it is that there’s some weird superstition that someone has… that if they go do this thing that they really want to do, then this worst case fear scenario is going to come true.”

• showing people how to accomplish what they want to accomplish
  • most fulfilling experiences and noticing common threads or core values
  • meeting girl in Thailand and connecting on deep level
  • taking niece out for ice cream in Manhattan
  • two experiences that were very different, but still had common threads
    • deep sense of connection/adventure/growth
    • pushing himself to the edges
    • seeing values through experiences
    • less about specifics and more about purpose and living in alignment with values
    • figuring out how you are stopping yourself from aligning with values

33:14 “It’s not the experience itself that actually matters. It was that the experience allowed you to express a value of yours that was important.”

• group coaching in Bali
  • helps people live in alignment with their values
  • did one on one coaching for 2-3 years
  • facilitates transformation for people
  • creating a space for people to get what they want
  • realized there are many ways to help people and wanted to figure out the most powerful ways to do it
  • figure out how transformation works
    • Jonathan Haidt – professor at NYU
      • takes complex ideas and makes them easy to understand
      • peer reviewed scientific papers
      • epiphanies being cheap, but not changing our lives
  • experience in Bali – brings together people who are non-judgmental and in an environment that is different from reality
    • creating a version of his own European adventures for other people
    • has allowed people to express themselves in a safe atmosphere
  • first Bali trip he was just trying not to mess up – had no experience doing anything he had to do
  • next trip – instead of trying not to mess up, he tried to figure out how to mess up
    • people realize they go on retreat for a different reason than they thought
  • intangible things happen they you could not predict

41:26 “Any change that you try to make ultimately is not going to last unless you change one of these two other factors. If you change one of these two other factors, then your change will be sustained, but if you don’t, then more often than not, the overwhelming majority of the time, you’re going to average back to where you are. And the two things are, one, change your relationships  or, two, change your environment.” – Jonathan Haidt

• being open to new experiences
  • gaining clarity by learning about yourself
  • you need to listen to and trust yourself
  • we are not our thoughts or our head

47:16 “We think we need clarity and confidence before we take action. I should be clear on what I want and I should be confident that I can get it, and then, I’ll take action, but it actually works the other way around. It’s when we take action, then we become clear and confident. So clarity and confidence are not prerequisites, they’re actually results of action.”

48:03 “Confidence comes as a result of knowing you can handle something. You gotta try something a couple of times until you get better at it and competence leads to confidence… You don’t get competent unless you actually go do something and try it. And the first few times, you’re going to suck at it most likely.”

49:00 “You actually can’t be fulfilled fully unless you are following your heart. Now that doesn’t mean don’t think… use your head, but understand you are not your head, and if you continue to make decisions based on your head, you’re going to continue to get a life that feels like there’s something missing… Follow your heart, but bring your head.”

50:00 “It’s when we align with that deeper voice within us and move beyond the fears of the ego, the fears of our mind… when we align with this deeper wisdom within us, then we start to get the life that we admire that other people have… it starts now and it starts with taking action before you’re ready.”

• environment and people
  • people want instant gratification of being told what to do
  • you must ask yourself the right questions to determine how to do things yourself
  • come up with a list of five things you can try instead of asking how to do something
    • they might not work, but they will get you in motion
  • Sensophy’s Inner Circle – email jacob@sensophy.com

51:17 “If you understand the principle of something, then there’s a thousand ways you can go out there and do it.”

51:38 “That’s kind of what people often times want. It’s the instant gratification of them wanting to be told what to do instead of owning within themselves that they are a creator of life and can go out there and do and create based on what’s within them versus looking for the external to tell them.”

52:31 “Any time someone asks how to, it’s because they don’t really understand the principle. So the principle here is… if you want it enough, you’ll figure out how to do it.”

• favorite quote
  • opens Bali video with the quote
  • brings him back to when he was five years old
  • don’t measure your well being on society’s idea of what you should do
  • figure out how to make life better for yourself
  • when people make you angry, it reflects something about yourself (shadow projection)
    • when something bothers you, ask yourself “How am I that?”
  • golden projection – the people you admire reflect aspects of yourself
    • projecting seeds of potential and courage within yourself
  • reflect on the things that happen to you

“It is no measure of health to be well adjusted to a profoundly sick society.” – Jiddu Krishnamurti

56:26 “Take ownership for your life and creating it the way that you want.”

• morning routine
  • Succeed by Dr.  Heidi Grant Halvorson
  • choosing what you let into your brain
  • wakes up, recites gratitude, drinks lemon water, shower, meditation, then routine differs based on the day
  • doesn’t check email/Facebook unless it’s for something specific
  • don’t go into reactive mode where someone else dictates what you do
  • used to wake up early to watch Seinfeld to start day with playful attitude

1:00:06 “A morning routine is important because it is the time in the day where generally your will power is highest. Willpower works the same way that a muscle works. It grows by using it, but it also needs long periods of time in order to recover it, and it get exhausted by options, by making a lot of choices.”

1:01:29 “I needed to become the gatekeeper of what I let into my consciousness and society is constantly telling us that the world is a dangerous, scary place… and I was tired of hearing that message… I learned to shut off outside stimuli or at least choose what I want to come in.”

• creative people
  • Brian Johnson
    • reads a book a day or 3 books a week
    • writes six page summaries of books, 10 min Youtube video, and 20 minute mp3 all in one day
    • Philosopher’s Notes – reads books and extracts ten big ideas from them
    • creates micro classes from each of the big ideas
    • systems maniac, takes creative energy and translates them into systems
    • philosophy felt esoteric to Jacob, but Brian makes it actionable
  • Gary Vaynerchuk
    • went to Jets game with Gary
    • read Four Hour Work Week by Tim Ferriss – “It’s realistic to be unrealistic”
    • 99% of the world aims for realistic goals
    • 1% of goals are so unrealistic, no one has the guts to go for them
    • makes goals much easier to achieve because no one is going for them
    • friend challenged him to go for goal instead of writing about it
    • Gary V’s Crush It!
    • friend challenged him to have Gary take him to Jets game
    • took 30 seconds to reply, decided, why not try?
    • use it as a documentation of going for something
    • wants to show people concepts by applying them
    • succeeded in getting Gary to take him to Jets game
• books, podcasts, resources
  • Sensophy’s Inner Circle – community creates change
  • Brian Johnson’s Podcast
• definition of creativity
  • didn’t consider himself creative for most of his life

1:12:35 “Creativity is often a label… it’s a role, like you’re a creative person so you do artsy things… and the reality is I’m a creative person. I’m a creator, creator of life… My life is my greatest piece of work. People work on books or on art, and me.. I just want to mold my life to my ultimate creation.”

1:13:15 “To me it means being a creator which is creator is someone who honestly expresses themselves and allows… the universe, God, to come through you and be used as an instrument for whatever greater force is at play here than our intellectual minds. Let that come through you.”

jacob@sensophy.com – email him one thing you took away from this interview

3 free months of inner circle access at Sensophy’s Inner Circle

“Books don’t cure shame, only empathy and human connection do that.”